Carabao curtain-raising, regrettable stepping stones & FSV Bachmünden

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: whether Charlie's third child in six years counts as a "quickfire hat-trick", weekend Carabao Cup ties as the domestic curtain-raiser, a manager refuses to answer a non-question, a nuanced language-barrier issue for Middlesbrough’s new goalkeeper, very mundane swap deals, the logical strategy for online football quizzes, ex-England strikers in Spiderman film analysis, north London football hipsters being stared at by Keir Starmer and the Germanified names of Premier League clubs.

Meanwhile, the panel ponder whether Vinicius Junior would have been the biggest signing in Premier League history.

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