When James Dolman steps onto a rugby field to referee a test match, he carries years of mental preparation, relationship-building, and self-reflection with him. In this revealing conversation with Ben Herring, Dolman takes us behind the scenes of elite officiating, exploring the psychological challenges that come with making split-second decisions under immense pressure.

"The struggle is trying to be a perfectionist," Dolman admits, describing the mental battle that follows high-stakes matches. Unlike players who can move forward quickly after games, referees often spend days analyzing decisions and processing feedback. This perpetual pursuit of improvement drives top officials, who Dolman describes as "one of the most competitive groups of people" he's encountered.

The conversation ventures into fascinating territory when Dolman explains how coaches impact referee performance. "A coach has a massive role to play in how their players behave, but also how their supporters behave," he observes. When coaches publicly criticize referees, they effectively authorize everyone—from players to fans—to do the same, creating what Dolman calls a "mob mentality" that undermines rugby's values. By contrast, coaches who communicate respectfully build currency that serves them well long-term.

Perhaps most compelling is Dolman's insight into emotional regulation during matches. "When players become emotional, referees need to become calmer," he shares, describing a philosophy that extends beyond officiating into leadership broadly. The most effective captains understand this dynamic, choosing their moments to communicate strategically rather than contesting every call.

Dolman's journey from injured player to World Cup referee offers valuable lessons for anyone in a leadership position. His emphasis on building mutual respect, focusing on process over outcomes, and modeling the behavior we wish to see provides a masterclass in handling high-pressure situations with grace and integrity.

Listen now to gain a fresh perspective on leadership from someone who manages conflict, communicates effectively, and maintains composure when surrounded by intensity and emotion.

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