Technically dreamland, Man Utd in the mirror & Simon Jordan vs PETA

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the spiritually correct team to have tried the most shots from the halfway line in Premier League history, a big week for the footballing concept of "dreamland", Manchester United’s latest lurch into crisis (feat. mirrors, monarchs and monologues), a (probable) record 8.7-second Match of the Day intro, Simon Jordan takes on PETA over Crystal Palace's eagle, Scott McTominay gets an undeserved and accidental commentary telling-off, Jonathan Wilson helps to demolish some 1950s-themed TV footy chat, Brazilian full-backs’ names in VAR reviews, and picking the best all-time Premier League 5-a-side team with the same surname.

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