We Won Something! (CFC 26 Preseason Wrap-up)

Preseason is over, Xabi Alonso’s Bridge debut is this weekend, and somehow Chelsea are already a trophy up for the season. We name a standout, a disappointment, and admit we’re more excited than we’ve been in years.

Neither of us watched much of this preseason — that’s the honest opener — but there was enough to draw conclusions from, and with Real Sociedad at the Bridge this weekend closing it out, we figured it was time to hand out awards. Real talk up front: Jason doesn’t put much stock in preseason as a rule, and this year reinforced why. A “lock” (defensive player) got fouled heavily out there and it soured the whole exercise for him — friendlies should stay friendly. But even with the caveats, both of us walked away more optimistic about a Chelsea season than we’ve been in years.

What Did We Actually Learn?

Not as much as you’d hope. Morgan Rogers didn’t feature at all before this week. Reece James didn’t play a single preseason minute. Lacroix didn’t play. Enzo’s future is still unresolved. That’s three, potentially four starters who never touched the pitch together, which means our attacking three of Rogers, Palmer, and João Pedro built zero preseason chemistry, and nobody has any real idea where Reece is even going to line up. The lineup against Johor Darul Ta’zim was about as academy-heavy as it gets — Sharman-Lowe in goal, a back three of Subuloye, Tosin, and Anselmino, Quenda and Gittens out wide, Essugo captaining a midfield with Nicoll-Jazuli, Estêvão in the hole, Jackson and Delap up top — and an almost unused bench because half the squad had already been sent home or was running on fumes from the match before. Coming out of it, we probably have as many questions as we went in with. Where does Reece play? Who does Lacroix actually replace? What happens to Quenda’s minutes with Rogers, Neto, and Mudryk all wanting the same spots?

The Squad Bloat Problem, Again

Still 45-ish players on the senior list, with Xabi reportedly wanting it down to 25. The transfer window closes September 1st at 6pm American time — three weeks from the recording date — and Chelsea still haven’t moved Disasi, Badiashile, Tosin, Anselmino, Jackson, or Delap, plus Guiu still hanging around. People keep saying Chelsea are clearing deadwood. They aren’t — a handful of academy loans doesn’t count, and nobody wants to buy the players actually clogging the roster, because BlueCo overpriced them the first time around. The Athletic reported that some in the traveling party felt Xabi was running an A-team and B-team in preseason and that the B-team players sensed they weren’t in his plans. Chelsea deny a formal two-tier system, but honestly — of course there’s a pecking order forming. That’s what a proper preseason is for. Some of you just aren’t going to play. Fight for your spot.

Standout of the Preseason: Marco Palestra

Unanimous, and it isn’t close. “Pastrami” was the best player in every match either of us caught — tireless, strong defensively, dangerous going forward, constantly getting up and down the right. He played right wing-back for Rúben Amorim at Sporting, so the position switch isn’t new to him at all, and BlueCo, credit where due, got this signing right. Reigning Serie A Defender of the Season, and it showed. Other shoutouts: João Pedro for continuing exactly what he started last summer, Estêvão for looking the part again, Geovany Quenda for justifying a year of hype on this podcast alone, and Roméo Lavia — who, after three years at the club, finally completed a full 90 minutes. That’s not a joke entry. That’s the actual highlight some fans are pointing to.

Worst of the Preseason: Tosin, Running Away With It

Some of the worst defending either of us has seen from a Chelsea player, full stop. We floated the theory that Tosin’s entire remaining employment is a Cole Palmer loyalty play — Palmer goes to bat for his buddy, the club humors it, and now that Palmer has a new bestie in Morgan Rogers, maybe that’s finally the door closing on Tosin. He’s reportedly linked to Benfica, but the honest read is nobody sane pays real money for him — just cut the contract, since he cost nothing and there’s no amortization to lose, and let him walk. Nico Jackson gets an honorable dishonorable mention: flashes of what he can do, still can’t finish, and his framing in this Xabi system is genuinely unclear — a start-caliber player who might have to accept a bench role, when Chelsea might honestly rather have 35-year-old Danny Welbeck as the actual impact sub, because Welbeck finishes and Jackson doesn’t. Also worth noting: Jackson volunteered to be subbed off early against Johor Darul Ta’zim specifically so Mudryk could get on the pitch before full time — genuinely selfless, and worth the shoutout on its own.

Mudryk’s Back, and So Is Austin MacPhee’s Temper

We may have buried the lede on this one: Mudryk’s actual return to a matchday shirt might have been the highlight of the whole preseason, full stop. And separately — Austin MacPhee, our set-piece coach and the man this podcast was talking up two weeks before anyone else noticed him, got caught on video screaming at a Johor Darul Ta’zim staffer to shut up after a nasty tackle on Liam Delap, to the point that Xabi Alonso had to physically pull him away. We’ll take it. The man cares, and we’re already crediting him for some genuinely sharp set-piece goals this preseason.

We Also, Somehow, Won a Trophy

Beating AC Milan came with the Indonesian Super Cup attached, which neither of us knew was on the line until the broadcast mentioned it mid-match. So: Xabi Alonso has technically already won a trophy at Chelsea. We’re not rating it anywhere near a Community Shield or a UEFA Super Cup, let alone anything that matters, but you don’t turn down a trophy. Put it in the cabinet and don’t ask questions. Meanwhile Arsenal are probably about to win the actual Community Shield and spend the next several weeks reminding everyone about it — after a genuinely bad end to last season that this podcast watched in real time. Enjoy it while you can; Anthony Taylor isn’t walking through that door to bail you out this year.

Where This Leaves Us

Genuinely more optimistic than last year, and for a specific reason: this is the first summer in the BlueCo era where our best players got proper rest. Cole Palmer and João Pedro skipped the World Cup and had a full offseason, unlike last year’s fitness-compromised group. Reece James played 29 games and came out the other side of the World Cup okay, minus a one-match absence for a minor procedure. Jason’s officially predicting a top-four finish this year — he didn’t predict that last season — and thinks there’s a real shot at silverware, while also, in the same breath, floating that Chelsea could bow out in the second round of the EFL Cup. Both things can be true. It’s the first season in five years either of us has actually been excited about, and we’re trying not to let that scare us.

What’s Coming

Season five of the podcast kicks off properly Monday with the official predictions episode. New for this season: a weekly Premier League predictions show (working title: Ten Wrongs in a Row), Thursday transfer coverage continuing until the window shuts and then pivoting to a looser Thursday live format, and the return of the Wheel — likely as a recurring “Us vs. The Wheel” segment letting a spin call one match’s outcome a week. Suggestions for the shows are welcome in the comments.

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